I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
