the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
