I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
