I should be sponsored by Trojan
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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