the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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