I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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