he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
