..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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