I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
