It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think your dad took our porno
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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