what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
