Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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