I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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