I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
