Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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