I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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