Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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