I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
