Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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