Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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