Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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