so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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