I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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