i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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