I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
