Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
