i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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