Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
