I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
