Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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