your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
