A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
