Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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