Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
