hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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