dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
