i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
