That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
