Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
