I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
