the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
