suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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