I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
