I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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