what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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