i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
