I wish my penis had an off switch
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
