booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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