Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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