Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
