Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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