i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have fence marks all over my body
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
