no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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