If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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