Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
