Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize