You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize