i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
