Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
