Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
