remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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