Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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