I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She announced her abortion via fbk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
