So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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