I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
40s are totally the cure
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
