At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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