we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
