Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
