Pappa wants mamma naked
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
