I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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