I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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