if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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