Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
