How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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