if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
