Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize