just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
