so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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