GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
