I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
