we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
